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Of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners' Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella.Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same.Dozens injured at Ralph Lauren Louis Vuitton headquarters after Ivanka calls in missile strikes on rival fashion houses.Hillary Clinton blames video for unexpected and spontaneous voter uprising that prevented her inevitable move into the White House.Tim Kaine takes credit for interrupting hurricane Matthew while debating weather in Florida.Gracias por la espera!Responding to Trump's surging poll numbers, Obama preemptively pardons himself for treason.The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too." In a stunning act of defiance, Obama courageously unfriends Putin on Facebook msnbc: Obama secures alliance with Austro-Hungarian Empire against Russias aggression in Ukraine Study: springbreak is to STDs what April 15th.After years of trial and error, CIA finally succeeds with the "waiting it out" technique on Fidel Castro.Bombshell: Evidence proves Donald Trump conspired with his campaign to defeat Hillary Clinton.Sudden rise in sea levels explained by disproportionately large tears shed by climate scientists in the aftermath of Trump's electoral victory.Cuéntanos un poco más.
Patrick's Day official holiday.
Developing: CNN, WaPo, NYT anonymous sources say Vladimir Putin may have ties to Russia.
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FBI director Comey delighted after receiving Nobel Prize for Speed Reading (650,000 emails in one week).